Get What You Really Want

Have you ever really wanted something, worked hard for it, got it and felt dissatisfied or let down with it? Chances are you have and on more than one occasion. This is very common and troubling for all of us at times.There are very specific reasons this happens which are based in our thinking shaped by what we have and have not been taught. The good news is there are also ways to overcome it and find the satisfaction, success and happiness you seek.

Think about the things you want as packages for something you are truly after.

For instance; you really want a certain position in your company. You structure your goals and go for it. Once you achieve that role you are dissatisfied and even unhappy. The hours are longer than you thought, the work is not fulfilling, it leaves little room for your creative talents.In this example you went for the package you thought would contain what you were really after. More flexible hours, more creative fulfilling work, you wanted those things so that you would enjoy more personal freedom and satisfaction. So that you would have an outlet through your work to make a difference, matter and have balance. However, the position was a just a package for you to attain what you really wanted and it simply was not in there.

We all think we want a wide array of things but usually they are just packages we hope contain our deepest desires.This happens in all areas of our lives; with career, weight loss and fitness goals and even relationships. 

 Typically we have learned to want, visualize and pursue the package of our deeper yearnings and desires rather than going for that in the first place or insuring that the package actually contains what we seek. Most of the time those deeper longings are not  even in our awareness. We have been told from many sources what things we need to be successful and happy and rarely talk about the few basic things and feelings we personally crave so many wind up pursuing dissatisfying things.To avoid this requires some soul searching and self awareness. It takes some honest thought to discover our most heartfelt desires but it is well worth it. 

Start by considering what you want and then ask why you want it. For instance, many people want a partner or love relationship. They can describe who they want in great detail. Height, weight, personality traits, appearance, income, interests and so on. Sometimes they are thrilled to find someone that closely resembles this, their “list “ person. However, soon they may feel something is lacking. In this example what they wanted is more than just the list, they are after something personal that a loving relationship can bring. It differs a bit for all of us but may include a feeling of security, affirmation, deep connection, acceptance it is a very personal thing that we find with someone special. It is what is inside the package of the list person that we find it or not.

Unfortunately when this happens, especially in relationships, we think there is something wrong with us. We think “why don’t I appreciate what I have?” Others may describe us as spoiled or never satisfied and we feel selfish, unrealistic or bad.Most chose to ignore or tolerate this residual wanting and learn to take what they can get. Others continue to seek more shiny packages and hope that one day they will get lucky and open the “one”.Still others convince themselves that this is as good as it gets.

This contributes to why so many people stay in jobs they do not enjoy, relationships that are lackluster or lifestyles that are in a rut.

So what to do if you are not wiling to settle? 
Congratulations! This is step one in a more fabulous and fulfilling life!

List the things you want. 
Detail why you want them.
What do you hope to feel and achieve?
How does this serve you or help you grow?
Is it aligned with you highest values?
Does it move you toward your big picture vision of your self and your life?

For example I want______________ so that____________________

it may take more than one layer of “so that” to get to the main underlying desire. I encourage you to dig.When you have thoroughly excavated your list and are sure the packages contain what you seek... go for it! As a bonus you will find more energy and motivation than ever in your pursuits.If however you discover it does not contain what you are after now you have at least identified what that is and can find something that will contain it.

This process can be tricky, it requires honest, intuitive thought and may go against other teaching or processes you have used in the past. You may require assistance to work through it with a great but unbiased friend or professional. But if like most of us you have worked hard to be disappointed I think you will agree it is worth it to work a bit smarter to be greatly rewarded.